sentimental
Today has been a severely literary day; I spent most of it reading for classes. And I spent my free time feeling like I should be writing, so I’ve been going over my book so I could continue it. The feeling is so strange. It’s like the nostalgia and sentimentality of going over an old journal mixed with the intention to create.
Lately, in the moments when I’m alone with my thoughts (which can be very often, even in a room full of people), I’ve been feeling very sentimental. Like I just want to love and be loved–but not necessarily in love. Like I just want a big hug from certain people I love without worrying about anything, and being able to just stay in those hugs until forever. And sleep together in a real pile, just like the Wild Things.
untitled
I could go for a good kiss right about now.
Strange mood.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
I’m a Dr. Jekyll with a Mr. Hyde subtext.
I’m selfish, scared, prideful.
I’m the same monster I was before, only I deceived myself into thinking otherwise.
I’m terrible at romance.
I haven’t been this angry with myself in a long time.
New Creative Project!
Check out my new creative project at http://corkhope.wordpress.com !
My creative energies are being channeled from here to there, so please help get this going! A new internet movement :)
Balance.
I’ve been accused before of being bad at balancing things, going only from one extreme to the other, really being terrible at keeping things in the middle, balancing things. It was an accurate accusation.
Because of it, I become really good at one aspect of my life, but really terrible at the others. I’ll start learning harmonica, but then go back to the guitar and completely forget about the former. I’ll think of a few big important things, but forget the many small important things. I’ll become really good friends with some people, and ignore the others. And I feel really bad about it.
Please pray for my ability to balance things in my life.
The Beautiful Letdown.
As I’ve continued in this college experience, I have become keenly aware of a sense of exclusion–a sense of non-belongingness. No, not that I don’t fit in (I actually have an ability to fit in almost anywhere I please); I feel…out of place. I think it’s that home is so close, the place where I belong is always within reach, that I can’t feel attached to the University of Miami as my home. And even though I’m here at school 5 days a week, my stay feels ephemeral; the weekends at home feel right and permanent.
The feeling likens itself to the Christian adage of being “in the world, but not of the world.” As Christians, the Earth is not our home; this is a transient life. Heaven, with our Father, is home. We don’t belong here. We are beautiful letdowns, sent into the world by the One who saved us, but at the same time, not be consumed by the world.
In the words of Switchfoot,
“I don’t belong here,
I don’t belong here.
I will carry a cross and a song
where I don’t belong.
I don’t belong.”
Honesty = Lack of new blog posts
I guess I haven’t blogged much lately since everything I have to say–that I would blog about nowadays–I can just say to you :)
Vague? Nah, it’s not my thing.
Good, honest talk between loving friends > Vague blog posts?
Hah yeah for sure.
:)
Not as vague as I’d like, but…
What makes it hard is I can’t imagine anything better or more beautiful.
But I want our Isaac.
Will.
Sometimes it’s hard to accept God’s will–terribly hard. But you have to trust that He knows what He’s doing and that He knows what is best. Not trusting Him can only lead to slavery–slavery to things not in God’s wonderful, divine plan for us.
He promises us His best, as long as we obey Him and wait on His plan.
Even though it’s really really hard! >_<;;
Just have to keep my mind on His promise.
